This will be my first Christmas without my mother. She died in September, just past my birthday, and I think her passing has still not really registered with me on some levels. I am an only child so there are no brothers or sisters to commiserate with; my daughter is also an only, so we just have each other in one sense.
Family connections are like no other, are they not?
You have histories going back decades for most of us, our whole lives in some cases, and likely some emotional land mine areas we dare not tread into. You are incredibly close and even dependent on each other, and also have some connections based on resentment and disappointment and unspoken heartache. Hopefully very few of those in your life.
On that point, the holidays are sometimes exactly the right moment to have a private back-and-forth in just the right setting to get those issues on the table and – with a little luck – get some grievances settled. It almost always comes down to communications, for most of us, I suspect. “Oh, I did NOT know that happened then!” Or other issues that were not discussed at the time, and should have been. When you are family you usually really know and love that person but being human you have rough spots. It happens.
Christmas.
There is nothing like it, is there?
My mother told a story last year about our visit to see Santa when I was about four years old, and how amused everyone was when I would NOT leave the old guy alone… Interestingly, the memory came back to me after a bit. I remember being thrilled to see him – hey, this is Santa Claus! Yow!
To the adults in the room he was just a guy in a fake beard… but to me this was amazing. So I took a good look, baby, I remember getting down to look closely at his boots, feeling his beard, really checking him out. This guy was famous! Look closely! It was like getting an interview with Elvis – there is only one, so look him over! Sure. Mom said it was hilarious.
When my wife Diane found out about Santa, she was furious. Not a small thing, now, she felt absolutely betrayed by her parents. As in, “What ELSE have you lied to me about??”
Which makes sense. Santa, Easter Bunny, storks bring babies…
We will have the usual gathering at our house, since Diane’s wheelchair will not fit into most people’s homes. And it will be fun and festive, as usual, with a big meal and drinks and laughs and presents at the end. We are very fortunate to have a fantastic family life, everyone pulling hard for everyone to feel happy and joyful. I will miss my mom and my daughter and I will have a private moment or two about her I am sure. I am also sure that mom is happier and more content now and that we will see her again one day.
We wish you the best Christmas ever. Enjoy!
Dennis Porter is a full-time caricature artist living in Kettering.
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